Monthly Archives: December 2010

Wrapping up Christmas

I’m feeling oddly positive today. My only concern with this is I know it won’t last, the crash will come, and hit hard; gradually, then suddenly like always. Never the less, I am going to enjoy the positively whilst it lasts, and use it as constructively as I can. I am absolutely determined not to let anyone spoil my mood today, too often lately have I let others ruin my mood. I have decided from now on in life, I am going to please myself before I please others. Sounds rather selfish right? Well, it’s more about self preservation. They don’t tell you on an aeroplane to put on your oxygen mask first before helping anyone else for nothing. It’s a dog eat dog world, and this dog has just got his bite back (I cannot believe I just compared myself to a dog, but okay, not my best analogy ever). You must remember in order to help others, you must first help yourself.

“If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.”

- Katharine Hepburn

I finally got my Christmas shopping done yesterday (after a very lovely lunch), I vowed I would be organised, and not leave it too late – but then snow came into play. I also vowed I wouldn’t do it all in one go, after last years bruises, and my hands suffering from all the bags… yeah predictably that didn’t happen either. Much like last year I gave competition to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (what a classic film!) with a plethora of shopping bags (all paper/card of course) on either arm (my one arm aches slightly today). One of the bags itself was nearly as big as me, didn’t quite think that one through did I now? …but what has to be done, has to be done. I would tell you all the exciting stuff I purchased but sadly most of the recipients read my blog, and I don’t intend to ruin Christmas – although wouldn’t that be a film, and a half, as opposed to The Grinch who stole Christmas, The Lorien who ruined Christmas… uhm. Not a road I want to go down. If anyone wants to you know treat me, there are no blue Tiffany & Co boxes under my tree, certainly no Burberry scarves, or no Kurt Geiger shoes for that matter. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Oh, and did I mention I did it all in my Kurt Geigers? Yes my patent KG’s with absolutely no grip at all, obviously snow, ice, sludge, weather appropriate shoes yes? Yeah… Obviously not. I was running late in the morning, and I don’t really own any bad weather appropriate sensible shoes. Practicality isn’t my forte when it comes to shoes. How I didn’t end up on my arse is really beyond me, I am absolutely amazed if I am entirely honest. After that, I feel I could take on the world. Everyone seemed to be wearing boots, or wellington boots, I certainly got some odd looks, and a few stares at my choice of footwear in this treacherous weather.

Ridiculous comes to mind yes, I would however argue that ridiculous ness is an excellent quality to have. It shows character, and in the words of Marilyn Monroe:

It is better to be absolutely ridiculous, than absolutely boring.

- Marilyn Monroe

I would rather be absolutely ridiculous any day than absolutely boring. If I fall naturally I am going to fall in style, and get up gracefully – as it’s not what you do, it’s how you do it. One of my many mantras in life, I’m developing quite a collection of mantras now, as I am sure you are quite aware. Nothing beats a good maxim though I suppose. I may be a little brazen, and foolish at times, but with the bad comes with good. Who isn’t subject to a spot of folly behaviour once in a while? I would hope my positive qualities out weigh the negatives, one can only hope anyway. I won’t change if you don’t change (why change a classic? ). Well that’s a lie, change is essential, and something I need to do a lot of in my life.

I normally spend a small fortune on wrapping my Christmas gifts. I am drawn to ridiculously decadent jacquard single wrapping sheets with embossed bits, velour ribbons, and disgustingly baroque bows. This year I decided not to bother, after all it’s just the wrapping (although I do get excited about wrapping, packaging et cetera I must admit). So I stuck to your bog standard basic festive shiny wrapping paper, but then I got bored of that, and decided to wrap things in Vogue supplement pages (I seem to have a mass of them lingering about my room).

Much better don’t you think? Well I know I’d like it if someone wrapped their presents like that for me. Best thing? Doesn’t cost a thing, I’m sure you’ve all got some magazine that comes with supplements, or you could use the magazine itself (I wouldn’t cut up Vogue myself personally, as it would feel sacrilegious). Simply pull out the staples, grab your sellotape, and scissors, then you are good to go.

Right now I am taking things as they come, who knows what life has in store. I’ve been doing a lot of things recently which on reflection seem unwise in the long term, but I am not dwelling on it, as I am enjoying myself right now living for the moment. I have a smile (sometimes even a cheeky smirk) on my face for the first time in ages, I’m forgetting people, and things I want to forget. I’m learning a lot of things too lately, for example how I can live without some people in my life when I thought I couldn’t, and that some people really don’t deserve a place in my life (to put it inarticulately, and cryptically, to those concerned: I’m a destination, not an option, and don’t you forget it). Ignorance is bliss, sadly I am not ignorant – however I am getting on with it.

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

- Margaret Thatcher

I leave you with some festive lights:

Oh, and I suppose I’ll throw in some Moët rosé, because I’m nice like that, and these festive times are supposed to be about sharing:

It’s a whole New Year

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I find it oh so odd how quickly this year has gone, however I seem to think that every year – but this year particularly so (best get started thinking of resolutions!). It seems like only yesterday it was midnight in some dark club, I was jumping about with my friends, sipping on Dom Pérignon, and welcoming in 2010 (is there any other way to welcome in a year?!). 2011 is imminent, I’m feeling so unfestive (despite the carpet of snow outside) that I am already looking to New Year. My year was massively fun, but not overly productive, sadly this upcoming year has to be extremely productive to compensate. That is fine with me, I have calmed down a little. Don’t get me wrong I still have fun, but I am just not out every single night of the week succumbing to sin, and inebriation. It is said you cannot keep a bad girl down, same goes for boys trust me. Now it is all about excess in moderation, a far better philosophy, and much better in the long run. I am sure regardless I’ll still cause the odd spot of ‘scandal’, I just cannot help myself. I wasn’t called salacious the other day for nothing, and what a great word at that!

When I’m good I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.

- Mae West

Really not painting a good picture of myself here am I? Don’t believe it all, it’s all lies, I am massively well behaved, and always in bed before midnight (despite what you may read/see/hear). Ha, no really, I am not that bad at all, I just like to have fun with my friends come the weekend, and let loose a little bit. As I said excess in moderation, the rest of the time I am frightfully boring, well not boring (I am never bored, because only the boring are bored), frightfully well behaved is perhaps more apt. I sit at home in front of the roaring fire with a cup of tea, and read classic literature. No really, I do.

Despite a good response (thank you everyone for your support); I am thinking perhaps my last blog post should have been kept to myself? Uhm, it’s a difficult one. Despite this I do not regret posting it, it is a weight off my chest, and my heart most definitely. I don’t have an issue with airing my dirty laundry so to speak, because I would rather I do it, than someone else do it (let’s face it everything comes out at some point, the only way two can keep a secret is if one of them is dead), and the account becoming massively inaccurate (who hasn’t heard a totally exaggerated rumour about themselves before?). It just becomes a bit different when it concerns someone else, and perhaps I should have acted with more tact, and been a tad more considerate. Then again part of me thinks fuck it. What is done is done, and that’s that I guess. I am just not usually one to publicly kiss, and tell – in any form I guess. I have far more important things to concern myself over, for example the fact it’s Christmas in just over a week, and I haven’t bought a single present yet (last year I was so organised…).

So my Twitter feed has been a wash of talk regarding Vogue. So apparently Carine Roitfeld is leaving French Vogue, it was announced today, and I suspect her replacement with be announced in the new year. There is speculation she is going to take over the position held by Anna Wintour as editor-in-chief of American Vogue. Roitfeld known for her previous career as a model has been editor-in-chief of French Vogue for about a decade now, at the helm she saw French Vogue reach records levels of success in both circulation, and advertising. Carine is in her own right a fashion icon, not quite on the same level as Anna Wintour, but maybe one day? Especially in the speculation is true, as of yet, there is no concrete evidence – only time will tell I guess.

After British Vogue, French Vogue is probably one of my favourites (I often collect international Vogue issues – it’s a sort of hobby of mine). Vogue started as a weekly publication in 1892, as a sort of society pages. Now Vogue is a massive empire owned by Condé Nast published in 18 countries world wide, and 1 region. It is the most famous fashion magazine in the world, and in my opinion one of the best. Vogue is a living legend, it is an icon in it’s own right. I seem to over use the word icon, but I never use when it is not due. I just simply talk about too many icons ha.

I need to ponder what my resolutions will be, this year I did not have any in the end – next year shall be different. I am not usually a believer in resolutions, this up, and coming year will be different. I want to develop in so many ways. I have things to do, so I am off, I leave you with a photograph I took yesterday:

p.s. make sure you join the Facebook page, 91 members so far – would be nice to see it reach 100. http://www.facebook.com/lorien.me.

Love doesn’t conquer all

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Today I am going to write about something very personal (I seem to be doing this a lot recently), and close to my heart (literally). I am going to talk about an infliction I have been suffering from lately, yes I said infliction as it may as well be – it has disrupted my life more than enough. I tend to cryptically side line anything too personal in my life when I blog, but I am going to come clean. I have been dealing with one of the oldest ailments in the world; unrequited love.

There I said it! Took more guts than I thought to even write the word (what a treacherous word it is at that, it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth), to admit (queue 10CC’s ‘I’m not in love’ playing in the background, no really), and to put it down into words. It’s a tale as old as time, it claims it’s victims with no remorse. I think every one of us in our lives at some time, or an another has suffered from it, it’s one of those things that when it hits you, it hits you hard.

And then, there’s another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love.

- Iris, The Holiday

For ages, I was in denial. I wasn’t really in love surely? It was just strong lust, or some silly playground crush right? How things escalated from butterflies, to longing pains – I wish I knew. All I can say is gradually, and then suddenly. I am not usually one to fall head over heels, it’s just not my style. I tend to be a bit more reserved, composed, and calculating – treating my love life as a game. Which I know isn’t right either, but it was more to protect myself than anything else. I am a romantic at heart (shhh don’t you dare tell anyone), and I am quite old fashioned (who said romance is dead?). So when I do fall, I guess I fall hard. I didn’t ask to fall, it just kind of happened – and thus since has been the bane of my existence. I think I disregarded my feelings for so long, and refused to feel anything, that when my walls broke down, it was a fatal reaction waiting to happen.

Unrequited love is just like actual love, just minus the pleasantries, thrills, trimmings, and anything actually positive, or good. It’s all the bad parts. Laying alone in bed at night clutching your phone against your chest hoping you get a text, or call. It’s almost psychotic, it takes over your life like a severe infatuation. It is toxic, it makes you think you are not good enough for anything, or anyone. You self esteem hits rock bottom, and some days you just don’t want to get up out of bed at all, because you feel incomplete, and empty. I would have rather had a proper romance, and it turn sour – than be stuck in the limbo waiting room of unrequited love. It has made me such a mess, being so close, yet so far from what my heart desired. It disrupts other areas of your life, drives you to near celibacy, and just generally hits you where it hurts. It is a massive pain, a longing that never seems to quite go away. Sometimes it fades, you get distracted momentarily, think you are possibly moving on with your life – but then it returns with vengeance. They do say ‘love never dies’, which I don’t believe, but I will tell you one thing, it’s a hard thing to kill – that much I am certain of.

Christmas is one of the hardest hitting times, it’s a time for loved ones. So naturally when you are in unrequited love, the holiday season is well, less than desirable. It only reminds you of what you want, and how lonely you feel inside – it is like adding gas to a fire, it only makes it worse. So this Christmas I am not giving anyone my heart, I am putting it into words (inarticulately perhaps, but I am trying), which I am not even sure why I am sharing – or even what I intend to achieve from sharing them. I am coming to terms with my feelings, and trying to move on. I have been trying for a long time now, it isn’t easy. Holding a lit candle won’t do me any good, I need to extinguish the flames, smother the butterflies, and burn those bridges (well they aren’t leading anywhere now are they?).

Maybe I will regret moving on, but I need to do something. I am stuck in a rut watching life pass me by. I am young, naïve, and full of promise, I refuse to let myself be limited by such a thing as unrequited love. Too long now have I let it take over, I have tried to “rebound”, forget about it, and move on, but it’s all easier said than done – however I now know I need to put my foot down. Now one else can cure me of this ‘disease’, only I can help myself. I am nobody’s fool, let alone a love fool. It shouldn’t be like this, perhaps I am too much of an idealist, but no, it’s my life, and I am attempting to close that chapter in it, and move on to the next. Maybe things will be different, maybe not – but all I can do is try, and hope with all of my heart that things are different next time around.

Until then, perhaps a bottle of VCP will console me? Uhm!

That’s right, I’m just crazy about Tiffany’s!

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I have just watched Tiffany & Co’s Christmas advert (featuring beautiful models naturally), what a great advert that was, and I must admit I just cannot resist those little iconic blue boxes. There is something enticing about them, they are almost as much a treat as the treasures they enclose. The perfect Christmas has plenty of little blue boxes under the tree, I know I certainly wouldn’t complain if I get given a Tiffany & Co box this Christmas (anyone?!!! hint hint hint).

In the words of the great 1960′s film Breakfast at Tiffany’s, “That’s right, I’m just crazy about Tiffany’s!”. Who doesn’t love Audrey Hepburn in that film?! It’s an absolute classic (great book too!). I think I have watched that film over a hundred times, and no, I am not actually kidding… It never grows old, and there are so many quotable lines in it. The film if anything only cemented Tiffany & Co’s superlative renown, and repertoire. I think we can all relate to that film. We all have a special place we go when we get the “mean reds”, it may not be Tiffany’s, but it exists for all of us.

Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

The company was founded in 1837, it was then known as Tiffany, Young and Ellis, it was established by Charles Lewis Tiffany, and Teddy Young. It is still going strong today, and has become one of the most iconic, and famous jewellery companies in the world. It was only in 1853 when Mr. Charles Tiffany took over that the company, re-establishing it as Tiffany & Co, that the company started to be known for specialising in jewellery. From that little store in lower Manhattan, Tiffany & Co is now a world wide brand, with stores in a multitude of countries. Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s describes Tiffany & Co as; “the best place in the world, where nothing bad can take place.”. Tiffany & Co quickly reached great fame for it’s diamonds, to this day it is said that their cut, and styling have influenced diamonds all over the world. Many celebrities, and famous people, past, and present have worn Tiffany’s. From the late Brooke Astor, European royalty, and American actresses on the red carpet. Tiffany & Co is synonymous with taste, and class.

Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then – then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

- Holly Golightly

So Santa baby won’t you put a little blue box under the tree for me? .

Life is for living

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So I haven’t posted in a while again. I wish I had some elusive reason as to why I have been MIA, sadly, it’s simply because I have been ill, yet again. Felt like I was dying the other day, damned man flu. Odd, I normally never get ill save the odd hangover, and recently it has just hit me. I don’t suppose the recent bad weather helped? It was like a Winter Wonderland outside, I was beginning to think I was stuck in Narnia. Beautiful to look at, however ice, and I don’t quite get on – I really don’t own any shoes, which do well on ice. I’m much more suited to warmer climates. However the snow was fun, and festive – nothing like lounging in front of a roaring fire either.

What’s a Saturday night without a spot of scandal? What’s a Sunday morning without some shame? Once in a while we all let loose, lose our dignity, surrender our virtue, and succumb to total, and utter inebriation. The absolute hedonist in all of us needs a chance to play sporadically, it lays dormant waiting to escape.

“Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall.”

- William Shakespeare

The good thing is we can find our dignity again come Monday, and continue to live our lives. Last night’s clothes never look quite as good the next day, when we adjust our eyes to the morning light, and the phantasmagorical moments of the night before slowly come back to you (some never quite do, maybe for the best eh?). You laugh, you cringe, you think ‘dear god’ (folly, and fun it seems go hand in hand, partners in crime!), but ultimately you smile, and know you’ll do it all again. The suffering of over indulgence never seems to put me off anyway…

Drunken antics provide amusement to any other wise ordinary week. Devouring too many bottles of VCP (who doesn’t love a splash of Veuve?!), and deciding it’s a good idea to drink whisky at nearly 5 am always seem such good ideas at the time… As fun as it is to be bad, nothing lasts forever (except diamonds!). I tend to spend the morning after a heavily debauched night off the radar (don’t expect me to answer my phone), I face up to the world in the evening after some food, and rest – when I finally start to begin feeling human again. Regaining composure, and washing away last night’s sin is all part of the process – wouldn’t be the same without it!

”Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.”

- Mae West

All of us exist, but very few of us actually live. As far as I am concerned there is a very firm difference between existing, and living – although it’s a very thin line between the two. I don’t personally tend to draw lines, however in this instance; I approve. Lines are drawn to be crossed, much like rules are made to be broken. Do you always play it safe, do you always give risks a miss, and do you always live within your comfort zone? I often ask myself, “what’s the craziest things you’ve done lately?”. Cliché yes, but ask yourself the same question – do you have a good enough response? No, well then you are simply not living which is a shame – take a walk on the wild side. Recently I have not been living, I have been taking a back seat in life – time to change that.

Opportunities exist to be taken, risks wouldn’t be called risks if they always paid off. Chance is as big a part of our lives as anything else, sometimes it goes in our favour, other times not so much – but it’s all just as I said a part of life. I would rather take a risk, and it not pay off than find myself constantly thinking, “what if?”.
Take that risks, go for that opportunity. Maybe it will pay off, then that’s great. If not learn from it, and take peace of mind in knowing you were true to yourself (integrity is an excellent quality to have). I am not just on about any silly risks, I am on about those risks you really want to take – the risks your heart pounds for you to take. I generally live for the moment, and I don’t tend to have any regrets. Why waste time dwelling on the past, and regretting something you can potentially learn from? Knowledge is power. In the long term, if you learn from it bad choices can only make you stronger. Besides my personal philosophy is that one should never forget anything that makes them smile, or laugh… However I’m not saying you should have total disregard for consequence, or the future, as they are all also very important in life, and in the bigger picture – but you must not forget life is for living. I think we often lose sense of what is actually important, what really matters.
In life there are few wrong, or right answers, most things seem to be rather subjective, and personal. So much is down you. Life is what you make it, live the life you want to lead. Don’t just seize the day, seize the night too whilst you are at all – why not? Why be content just reaching for the stars? Raise the bar. Reassess the gold standard, and always strive to do better. It is better to aim too high, as opposed to aiming not high enough. Remember we, you, are the new age young bright people. 2011 is imminent, surely anything is possible? Give it your all, try your best, and if that’s not good enough. Don’t well on it, be satisfied, and content that you gave it your best – that’s all you can do.

”Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”

- Audrey Hepburn

It is said that if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. Following on from this, I would rather be an underdog, an outsider any day than compromise who I am, or the firm beliefs I have. I think far too many people in this day, and age sacrifice who they are just to fit in. Any civilisation will have some form of social hierarchy, whether we want to, intend to, or not, we all conform to this hierarchy to some degree. I refuse to be a part of a hierarchy that belittles anyone intentionally. It is plain rude, and rude ness really is vulgar. After years of trying to fit in, and doing things which probably could be classed as cavalier just to fit in. I stopped. I am not going to change who I am for anyone, and I certainly won’t make others feel inferior just to fit in to some crowd, or clique. I’m just a Lorien in this world, as long as you let me be . You can let go of a lot of things in life, but never abandon your principles.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

A bit of an odd mismatch entry, but I had a lot on my mind. I’ll resume my normal posts soon.

XOXO

p.s. thought I’d leave you with some of my Winter Wonderland:

Lorien.Me

My affaire de cœur with life, fashion, and anything that may fascinate, or astound me.